Thursday, November 17, 2005

So Democratic hawk John P. Murtha wants America to pull out of Iraq within six months. John P. Murtha thinks insurgents "are united against U.S. forces, and we have become a catalyst for violence" and that "it's time to bring the troops home."

That's because John P. Murtha is a crybaby.

Foolish Murtha! If we leave Iraq now we will be losing right in front of the terrorists. That means Osama bin Laden will think we're a bunch of pussies! Giblets can take a lot of insults to his dignity but he can't take Musab al Zarqawi callin' him chicken during Iraqi gym class 'cause John P. Murtha won't let him fight!

The only thing to do is for America to stay the course and remain in Iraq for the next five to twelvezenteen years, until either our resources are depleted or we have been chased from the roof of the American embassy in the middle of a full-blown civil war. That is the kind of blood-curdling, explosively crippling losingdom that terrorists can stand back and admire!

Because when America loses, America loses victoriously! The key is to lose with honor. As the situation worsens, Giblets will grow louder to indicate that victory - symbolic victory, Platonic victory, bizarro victory? who knows! - is imminent! All press conferences will be delivered via bullhorn. For the State of the Union Giblets will be fired out of a cannon while dancing girls in striped bathing suits sing the National Anthem. At the final withdrawl announcement he will land an aircraft carrier on top of an F-14 (Giblets can do it!) and tell a cheering crowd that America has won by secretly tricking the terrorists into escalating the very insurgency he was counting on all along! He will then declare a new national holiday: V-R Day, Victory Over Reality! Unicorn burgers and pixie dust for everyone! But not for you, John P. Murtha - 'cause we don't let crybabies eat our unicorn burgers in America.

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posted by Giblets at 6:07 PM




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