Monday, November 28, 2005

Behold pumpkinus rex, the tyrant king of pie! With its regal crust, majestic filling and complete control of the armed forces it rules the court of earthly pies, where its every mad whim is law and its enemies are quickly decrusted and thrown to hungry gluttons. Many have challenged its pastrular supremacy but their crumbs lie scattered among the dusty tins of history.

They say it is the last of the ancient pies, fully-formed from the forehead of its father the sweet potato pie when it slew the primordial giants, which were a kind of beef and mushroom tart. Since then it has conquered lands and ruled empires and sired quiches and cakes and the monstrous demi-pies, fearsome creatures half-dessert and half-beast who live in the underworld of forgotten pastries along with the exiled holiday pies who were long ago vanquished in the pumpkin's quest for seasonal dominance: the egg nog pie, the turkey and pilgrim crisp, the savory jesus cobbler. Even the once-beloved kwanzaa quiche is now nothing but a faded memory.

How long will the pumpkin pie reign supreme? Forever! Who can challenge it? No one! With its faithful retainer the apple pie by its side guardin it twenty-four hours a day you can bet that - GASP! The apple pie is attacking! It has been a member of the resistance all along! A struggle ensues. The pumpkin leers at the apple. The apple balks at the pumpkin! A fly bumps into a nearby window! After several hours a cook takes the apple away, it's headed for a party down the street. Victory once again! Surely the gods smile upon this king of kings and lord of lords and he shall reign forever and whoops, knocked it right off the table onto the floor there. Oh well, who wants ice cream!


posted by fafnir at 5:47 PM



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