Saturday, November 19, 2005

Now everybody knows that in the wild the monkey and the vending machine are terrible enemies and they hunt and fight each other night and day. But once there was a young monkey and a baby vending machine who didn't know this ancient law of the jungle and played with each other all day long. "You're my very best friend, vending machine," the monkey would say. "CHING CHING CHING, please deposit $1.25," the vending machine would say right back.

One day the monkey's father who was a great strong monkey king said to him "Monkey, the time has come when you must join with your monkey siblings in the war against the vending machines," and the monkey was angry and sad and threw bananas but he knew what had to be done, and the vending machine's father who was a mighty and respected automated subway token dispenser said "ba-DEEP! COLLECT CHANGE NOW" and the vending machine said "ba-ZEEEP-zhew" and rejected a wrinkled one dollar bill.

The next day all the monkeys and the vending machines lined up the fight in the last great monkey-vending machine war and the monkey said "I'm sorry, vending machine" and the vending machine said "ding ding ka-BZZT" and the monkeys charged at the vending machines and the vending machines refunded numerous pennies and they all got squished by a bulldozer to make way for a new Wal-Mart which went on to sell a variety of products at very low prices but only by mistreating its low-wage workers.

The Moral Of Our Story: Hey, have you seen that new Wal-Mart documentary? It's pretty good.

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posted by fafnir at 3:52 PM




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