Monday, October 3, 2005

President Bush's nomination of Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court is surely an inspired choice, but it comes at a cost: overlooking one of the finest potential Supreme Court Justices working out of the White House today. While Miers's lack of qualifications and cronyist ascension certainly make for an appealing candidate, even these qualities pale before those of the fabled jurist Mr. Bush passed over to nominate her: the president's favorite rock.

A prized possession passed down through the Bush family, the rock has years of loyal service to its name. It has demonstrated a remarkable versatility over its tenure: it has been lined with felt for desktop use, brandished drunkenly at parties, waved around during cabinet meetings to mouth-powered spaceship noises. Administration insiders insist it is impossible to overstate the rock's role in shepherding the Bush agenda, and note that without the rock's timely intervention, several key aspects of the 2003 Medicare bill might have been lost to an especially strong breeze.

Besides rewarding hard work, intelligence, and dedication, the rock appointment would make for a canny political move, as well: as an igneous rock, it has known struggle and hardship, emerging from the difficult pressures and molten magma in the earth's mantle; as a Mineral-American, it would be blazing a trail that could inspire a host of salts and silicates.

The rock would have its detractors, of course - partisans and special interests, frustrated by the lack of legal opinions in the rock's past, might claim the rock had something to hide. This, of course, is absurd: the Senate Judiciary Committee would be free to ask it as many questions about its judicial philosophy as appropriate, which the rock would naturally answer with its characteristic modesty.

Sadly, the moment for Justice Rock will have to wait. Not too long, hopefully - John Paul Stevens can't hold out forever.
posted by the Medium Lobster at 1:36 PM




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