Saturday, October 29, 2005
"At the end a this sentence is a terrrrrrible vampire," says me. "A bloodsucking terror of the night!"
"He looks confused," says Giblets. "Is he broken? Are we cluttering up the house with another defective vampire?"
"Well he's gettin pretty old now," says me. "His memory's goin. His back's real sore. He can't suck the blood of a innocent like he used to."
"Blood is too spicy for his weary guts," says Giblets. "He is reduced to drinking organic vegan soyblood."
"It comes in a hard plastic carton he can't bite through with his fangs," says me. "And he can't get it at the grocery store. He's gotta go across town to the Whole Foods once a week."
"On the way he is forced to wear a tarp to block the accursed light of the sun," says Giblets. "The tarp is old and smells funny and is mocked by local peasant children."
"The peasants don't come around to burn down his castle anymore," says me. "They just leave bags a flamin holy water on his porch when they get bored."
"Every so often he will try to smite one with a cursèd fireball," says Giblets.
"But the fireballs come out all old an tired an just float around talkin bout how fireballs used to be in the ol days," says me.
"Those fireballs deserve our respect," says Giblets. "They fought in the Big War! They are the greatest generation of fireballs!"
"Those were the kinda fireballs you got for a nickel an were built to last!" says me.
"Where can Giblets get these amazing fireballs!" says Giblets.
"You can't, they didn't last," says me.
"Just like our broken vampire," says Giblets. "He is useless to Giblets! Let's send him back and get a real one!"
"We can't, Giblets," says me. "He's protected by the Society for the Preservation of Historic Vampires."
"Their covered bridges still haunt the land at night!" says Giblets. "WOOOOOOO!"
Labels: haunted blog
posted by fafnir at 3:18 PM