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Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Those Who Would Appease The Cumulofascists

As inconceivable as it sounds, Giblets is outraged yet again!

With fears mounting that high energy costs will crimp economic growth, President Bush called on Americans yesterday to conserve gasoline by driving less. He also issued a directive for all federal agencies to cut their own energy use and to encourage employees to use public transportation. ...

"We can all pitch in," Mr. Bush said. "People just need to recognize that the storms have caused disruption," he added, and that if Americans are able to avoid going "on a trip that's not essential, that would be helpful."

The fool! This kind of environmental appeasement is just what the weather wants! If America caves on its proud tradition of oil gluttony it will just encourage more hurricanes! Then what will the clouds come for next? Our proud tradition of belching smog? Our rich and diverse output of greenhouse gases? When will it end!

Fortunately Giblets has developed plans to keep America strong and oil-fat well into the future:

SHORT TERM: suck oil out of neighboring countries's gas tanks while they're paying at the register
MEDIUM TERM: explore new sources of oil in Alaska, Iraq, and the Moon
LONG TERM: find more dinosaurs and lure them into tar pits to make more oil

There you have it: a comprehensive strategy for energy dependence. Stay the course, America, or the environment has already won!

posted by Giblets at 7:19 PM

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