Thursday, August 18, 2005

Pie of DoomBeware of this pie. It is a dark pie.

Arthur Beasley gets the pie in the mail from a sender with no return address; he quickly loses his job, his family, an his house before tryin to set the pie on fire when he spontaneously combusts. Debra Nance tries to give the pie away to a neighbor; both are eaten by a crazed moose in the basement. Wallace Davies eats the pie in defiance. The next day he finds it in his refrigerator. He is frightened but eats it again anyway only to find it again the next day at the foot of his bed. He is found in the woods completely insane and screamin about terrible crust.

This pie has powers.

Gerald Rayburn finds the pie on his windowsill on June 18, 1973. He runs screamin outta his house, jumps on a plane, flies to Costa Rica, pays an underground plastic surgeon to reconstruct him to resemble a yellow stripe-tailed finch and travels to Nepal by UPS to hide in a lost temple of forgotten monks. The next day he is devoured by a herd of rabid elephants in his bathtub.

There is no escape from the pie.

In the thirteenth century A.D., astrologers an seers an sybils at the court of the great khan warn of terrible omens in the sky - terrible pie omens. The khan orders all pies burned within the kingdom and five thousand men to stand guard outside his palace walls to destroy all incoming pies. The gates are sealed with iron an bronze an dragon bones an the khan laughs at the pie and goes to sleep. He wakes up in the middle a the night hearin a terrible thumpin sound. It's comin from the kitchen. He calls for one a the guards but nobody answers. The thumpin's gettin louder. He gets up an looks around the corner. There's somethin sittin on his kitchen table. Somethin in a white pie box.

Beware of this pie.


posted by fafnir at 4:49 PM



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