Friday, July 22, 2005
"Giblets's tiny brain has been violated!" says Giblets. "There I was playing a wholesome game of Grand Theft Auto - shooting cops, beating hobos - when just by downloading a patch and using an external cheat device to alter the game code I became exposed to explicit polygon-on-polygon sex!"
"Oh no!" says me. "Who will protect the children from the children."
"Never fear, kids!" says Senator Hillary Clinton, scourge of indecency! With one strong swoop of her congressional powers she hurls the game out the window where it explodes on the street below. Innocence is preserved! We are whisked away to the district attorneys' conference on narcotics and dangerous video games, where we learn about the growing incidence of plumber-on-mushroom violence.
"Look at the vulgar images tainting our fair city!" says Giblets shakin up a can a spraypaint. "It is covered with offensive graffiti and foul language!"
"Obscenity follows us wherever we go," says me sprayin stick figure boobies on the side of a Citibank. "Is there no refuge from filth in these troubled troubled times."
"Don't worry, children!" says Senator Hillary Clinton zoomin down outta the sky! "I'll demolish this building so it'll never tempt you to vandalize it again!"
"Hooray!" says us. We spend the rest a the day confiscatin pencils from impressionable kids who could use em to write swear words.
"Look at these animals on TV," says me. "Monkeys havin sex with monkeys, elephants havin sex with elephants, all day long it's just sex sex sex."
"And none of it within the confines of a monogamous relationship established under the bounds of holy matrimony!" says Giblets.
"Who knows the dark influence it's havin on us now," says me. "Children predisposed to havin sex with elephants will only be encouraged by this alarmin new content."
"Giblets could change the channel, but what would be the point?" says Giblets. "They'd just be having sex out there - in the dark - where Giblets can't even see them!"
"This looks like a job for decency!" says Senator Hillary Clinton crashin through the livin room wall. "I'll destroy all the animals with my heat vision. That ought to put a stop to their shameless moral pollution of America's youth!"
"Senator you've done so much to protect our mushy little minds," says me. "How ever can we repay you?"
"Would you like a campaign donation? An editorial endorsement? Anything?" says Giblets.
"Think nothing of it, friends!" says the senator. "It's just another job well done for Senator Hillary Clinton, scourge of indecency!"
Labels: the party party
posted by fafnir at 11:55 AM