Thursday, July 21, 2005

Well we have a Supreme Court nominee and I guess he's all right, but we coulda done a whole lot better. These were Fafblog's picks for the spot. Maybe the president can replace Roberts at the last minute - or just wait a while, Rehnquist's gotta kick it sometime!

  • THE MYSTERY MAN! Is he conservative, is he moderate, is he a remote-controlled robot the president got for Christmas last year? It's a myyyyyyystery! Will he uphold precedent on privacy rights or will he decide the federal government has the power to pickle citizens in a mason jar an store em in a cool dry place in the White House basement under a quirky interpretation of the Necessary and Proper clause? Oh, don't ask - it'll spoil the mystery!

  • GOD! Since all our rights come from God, why not just appoint God to the Supreme Court in the first place? God can never make a wrong decision - he's omniscient! This should make his opinions a lot shorter an easier to read on accounta each of em'll just say "Because I said so." The God Court might get pretty controversial when God starts handin down the decisions - mandatory school prayer, abortion, mandatory home prayer, stoning, mandatory plagues during the census, Adam and Eve v. Adam and Steve - and he might not turn out to be the most easygoin judge. It'll be hard to keep him from readin dissents in the form of a whirlwind or a pillar a fire or smitin Souter from the bench. But nobody can say he's not qualified!

  • THE CONSTITUTION! Why settle for some borin ol originalist when you can get yourself the real thing! With the Constitution on the bench we won't have to worry about what the Founding Fathers would do cause the Constitution was right there! "Due process? Ha!" says the Constitution. "Back in my day James Madison dragged criminals out behind the woodshed an' shot 'em an' we liked it!" Oh, Constitution, you so crazy!
  • posted by fafnir at 1:03 PM




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