Thursday, July 21, 2005

As the body count in Iraq has continued its rise over the last few months, with increasingly hideous attacks carried out by an increasingly vicious terrorist insurgency, some have noted that the uptick in violence has not produced a 9/11-esque welling of solidarity, an explosion of voices proclaiming that We Are All Iraqis Now. What separates Iraqi deaths from Western deaths? It is not, let the Medium Lobster assure you, ethnicity, religion, culture, wealth, and an avalanche of press coverage sliding away from an increasingly horrifying bloody mistake of a war. No, what makes Iraqi deaths so much more palatable is the fact that while every Western death has been a senseless murder committed in the name of an empty and lunatic cause, each Iraqi death has been a proud and noble sacrifice to preserve the Western way of life.

As President Bush has pointed out, America is fighting the terrorists abroad so it won't have to face them at home - diverting the enemy from attacking America and Europe by cleverly tricking them into attacking Iraq instead. Following this ingenious strategy, every bomb detonated by an insurgent in Iraq is necessarily a bomb detonated to protect the Western alliance; every body in Baghdad is necessarily a life saved in New York. The free world is preserved by the ongoing demolition of the third world.

Indeed, if there's a criticism to be made of the current situation in Iraq, it's that there aren't enough terrorist attacks. If there were, there wouldn't be enough terrorists outside Iraq to attack London. Either our troops aren't doing enough to attract terrorists to Iraq, or Iraqis aren't providing tempting enough targets. For the sake of the homefront, the Medium Lobster encourages all coalition troops to deface a mosque at least once a day, and all Iraqi civilians to wear bright concentric targets as often as they can. If an Iraqi sees a suspicious Sunni extremist or foreign jihadi on your way to work, he should offer him a spare car bomb or a packet of explosives. Suicide-bombing is a sign of desperation, and we should endeavor to make the enemy as desperate as possible.


posted by the Medium Lobster at 6:27 PM



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