Monday, July 25, 2005

"Don't worry," says Lance Armstrong to the sick little girl. "You're gonna beat this cancer. I just know it." "Thanks, Mr. Armstrong, but I don't have cancer," says the sick little girl. "I have spinal meningitis." "Well then you can go to hell," says Lance Armstrong tearing up the flowers and the heart-shaped teddy bear. Lance Armstrong feels nothing for the sufferers of spinal meningitis.

Lance Armstrong races towards the crosswalk on his Trek Madone SSLX after the last of the grandmas. They shuffle as fast as they can on their canes and walkers to get out of his way but they are made of osteoporosis and are no match for him. He flattens the last of them and spins around pumping his fists triumphantly. "Seventh win!" says Lance Armstrong. "Armstrong rules, grandmas drool!" He doubles back towards one of the more arthritic ones for an historic eighth attempt. Lance Armstrong is the uncontested champion of the Tour de Grandma.

The fire engine speeds around the corner and screeches to a stop at a house which does not appear to be on fire. The firefighters are confused. Lance Armstrong is leaning against the door frame, arms folded. "Fire? Ha ha, no, just checking," says Lance Armstrong looking idly at a stopwatch. "Slow. Slooooooow."

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posted by Giblets at 10:41 AM




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