Tuesday, July 19, 2005

One thing is certain regarding the mideast conflict: Jesus is going to have to get tough with the Sharon government pretty soon. After years of broken campaign promises about maintaining Israeli settlements and casting the wicked into the lake of fire and brimstone which is the second death, it looks like pro-Jesus support is straining at the signs of Israel's Gaza pullout plan. If the Jesus administration doesn't crackdown on the peace process or implement a bold new plague initiative, it could take a massive hit in the upcoming midterms, to say nothing of the international credibility lost by showing a lack of resolve on the world stage.

The Medium Lobster expects that Jesus's foreign policy initiatives could be advanced considerably through a series of carrots and sticks aimed at derailing Israel's Gaza plan: increased exports of loaves, fish, and the body of Christ in the event of compliance with Heaven's dictates; a cessation of loan guarantees and a rain of blood and fire should Israel defy Heavenly law. Many will no doubt bemoan Jesus's failure to act as a "neutral arbiter," but when choosing between terrorists and the inscrutable prophecy of the Almighty, one can't afford even-handedness.

All that's left is the question of where to relocate the Palestinians. Jesus has pointed out that in his father's kingdom are many mansions, and while Palestinians almost certainly couldn't afford their rent and upkeep, the now-abandoned housing projects on Heaven's outskirts could serve as an excellent refugee camp.

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posted by the Medium Lobster at 2:47 PM

God sees the truth, but waits. --Tolstoy


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