Sunday, July 24, 2005

Look at em piled up in great heaps a crusty goodness! They are the quiches an tarts an deep-dish pizzas of the world - the almost-pies, who sometimes still wish on a bright shiny star that one day they'll be real pies before they get thrown out with the leftovers.

Their round, flaky crusts and gooey innards have not earned them equal status with the pies of high society. But aren't they pies in spirit if not pies in law? Cut them, do they not slice? Eat them, are they not delicious? "Oh but they are not pies," you say. Do not judge them with your rules and your regulations and your hierarchical structures! Who can decide right from wrong, good from bad, pie from not-pie? The World Pie Council, that's who.

The World Pie Council sits at a long table in a long room at the top floor of the World Pie Consortium Center with all the pies in the world, going over every piece a crust and filling with weights and calipers and x-rays and microscopes. They're checkin em for size and density and yeast count and proper spelling and grammar. Each pie must meet a strict set of international pie standards or else it is deviant: an unpie, a dangerously unclassified non-pie posing as pie which without proper supervision could be eaten by unsuspecting citizens thinking it was pie all along! The consequences would be unthinkably thinkable. A cherry pie with neat glaze and clean white teeth is stamped STANDARD and whisked away on tiny mechanical pie carts; a peach cobbler with subpar posture is stamped DEFECTIVE and sucked into a chute in the Emergency Pie Furnace where its screams for mercy go unheeded. The World Pie Council does not notice; they return to their work, pale and stricken and joyless and forever devoted to their endless duty.

Far away on the other side of the world lives Happy Lad on his bright cheerful hill surrounded by daisies and butterflies. Happy Lad accepts all pies and pielike objects into the eternal brotherhood of pie: the cheesecake, the jelly donut, the plastic frisbee. Some say Happy Lad eats his paper plates and tires out of a bottomless well of generosity and infinite love for all pies. Some say Happy Lad wants to create a community where all pies and pielike things are welcome, a peaceable pie kingdom on earth. Some say Happy Lad is just some crazy hobo who eats tires. They're right. Stay away from Happy Lad! He is fat with vulcanized rubber and probably dangerous.


posted by fafnir at 8:17 AM



about Fafnir
about Giblets
about the Medium Lobster
about Fafblog

fafblog of christmas past

the whole world's only source for archives

world of piefablesdissatisfactiongreat moments in history

posts most likely to succeed

mostly blogosaurs

Fafshop! the whole world's only source for Fafshop.

Powered by Blogger Site Meter