Thursday, July 14, 2005

Yesterday I went to the future an it was awesome! I took the moon train to a city on Mars an blew up an evil computer with the power of thinkin an helped Captain Space And His Spacekateers fight off an invasion from Neptunia Queen of the Planet Women an all for under three Quizlats!

Today I go back to the future an somebody's paved over all the bubble cities an the tube transports an the tractor beams an replaced em with a series of planned communities with tastefully homogeneous designs based on a pastiche of local cultures. I figure maybe somebody's sorta moved the future off to the side so I call up information an ask for Robotopolis but all I get is directions to the strip mall. I run into Nebulox the Living Thing That Lives but he's just baggin groceries at a Stop-U-Mart. I ask if he's gonna use his fearsome galactaray to conquer these tater tots but he just wraps em in recycled paper instead.

I start thinkin maybe space future's lookin better than normal future so I go to the rental guy an I go I'd like a moon rocket please an the rental guy goes don't got moon rockets an I go how bout a flyin car an he goes none a them either an I go what about a spaceplane or a blimpwich or a moosemobile an he goes nope nope nope an I go whattayougot an he goes a boat an I go what kinda boat, a space boat or a time boat or a mysterious negaboat or what an he says it's just a boat. So I end up walkin around the future with some moldy ol boat. This isn't the future. This is some fake plastic future. This is a soy-based future substitute.

I spend the rest a the day hangin out in the past. Winston Churchill just smokes up an eats doritos an Abraham Lincoln turns out to be a complex animatronic device operated by freemasons.

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posted by fafnir at 10:00 AM




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