Sunday, July 31, 2005

The world is a dangerous place. But not for long! Giblets has plans - grand sweeping plans! - to end the greatest most dangerous danger in the history of danger with a very catch new label! Yes, Giblets is expanding his previous "War Against Spookiness" and his "War Against War" to become a newer and bolder and even MORE winnable war: THE MASSIVELY BROBDINGNAGIAN UNIVERSAL CONFLICT AGAINST ALL STUFF! or as we say in army-talk, M-BUCAAS.

Now some of you are gonna start whining "Oh Giblets how can you win a war against stuff, I am a great big girl." Well Giblets is going to win this war with careful planning and preparation and with a sound strategy to keep plenty of "boots on the ground." Behold Giblets's triple-phased battle plan to hunt down and wipe out stuff in all its forms!

EVIL! First Giblets's coalition of the willing will invade the Evil homeland of Evilistan from the north, south, and east, using bordering airbases in the neighboring allied nation of East Evilistan. Next Giblets will direct coordinated bombing runs on the Evil capital of Badlamabad while the Gibletsian army closes in. Finally Giblets will capture and depose Evil dictator Satan and hold him responsible for his crimes against the Evil people, who will welcome Giblets as a liberator.

VIOLENCE! Gibletsian forces will raid and destroy Violence-training camps around the globe while special forces capture fleeing Violence and and hold it in special Violence detainment facilities until it can be tried and prosecuted. With the information Giblets gains from lower-level Violence, Giblets will be able to topple the entire Violence network.

THINGS! Giblets will neutralize the global thing hydra with a three-pronged strategy: first, massive "decapitation strikes" to knock out all pointy things that could poke Giblets. Next, a carefully-coordinated international effort to freeze the assets of all heavy thigs that could squish Giblets. Finally, a massive police and intelligence effort to round up all remaining fluffy things which could be used to smother Giblets. Then at last we can sleep at night! Presumably floating in some sort of void, well away from things.


posted by Giblets at 12:19 PM



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