Tuesday, June 7, 2005

"Insolent pot!" says Giblets. "Be more vendible!"
"Giblets why are you yellin at that pot plant?" says me.
"Giblets is trying to turn it into commerce," says Giblets. "But buying and selling it is too much work. He wants it to be commerce NOOOOOWWW!"
"Silly Giblets, everything is commerce!" says me. "Let's step into this maaaagical schoolbus and we will learn all about Our World Of Commerce!"

THE PHYSICS OF COMMERCE!

When you hold a ball in the air it has POTENTIAL commerce. When you let it go the potential commerce turns into KINETIC commerce, which makes it faaaaalllllll through the air! It is caught by Congress or gravity. Classroom Learning Challenge: Levy a tariff on the ball before it hits the ground!

Special Bonus Commerce PARADOX! A cat is in a box. According to quantum mechanics, it is neither bought nor sold. Instead it is a cat commerce waveform sold in all possible states at the same time until it is confiscated and destroyed by the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Cats.

COMMERCE IN THE WILD!

Be very very quiet... we are commerce-watching. To your left is the beautiful red-crested commerce with its unusual nesting activity and its colorful plumage. Up ahead is the Australian striped mock commerce, which is not commerce but uses its natural camouflage to imitate the markings of commerce and confuse predators. To your right is a big moose! You can shoot em all if you wanna. They're pretty much the same.

Extra Credit Nature Koan: If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around, and Antonin Scalia doesn't like it, can we ban it? Yes.

IMAGINARY COMMERCE!

Commerce doesn't HAVE to be real commerce. We can bring it to life with the power of imagination!

This snowman is not commerce. But we can make him commerce with this ol top hat we found... and if we just believe! Now all the children of the world clap your hands an say together now: "I do believe in an expanded Commerce Clause, I do believe in an expanded Commerce Clause!"

Hooray, now our snowman is commercial an alive an singin an dancin around! "Happy birthday!" says the snowman. He is quickly arrested and detained. Commercial snowmen are strictly controlled by the Department of Snowman Security.

"That wasn't a magical schoolbus at all," says Giblets. "That was just some closet where some guy knocked me out and stole my pot."
"Wooooo, maaaagic," says me.
posted by fafnir at 9:36 PM




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