Thursday, April 7, 2005

The Squishless Horde of Giblets arrives at Sam's Club to collect Giblets's regular tribute - 100% off all electronics, paper goods, movies, bulk vitamins, Miracle-Gro and sugared cereals. The horde must grow large and strong upon the fat of wholesale America!

What's this? The horde is met by a small bald man who interferes with Giblets's constitutional duty to levy and collect tribute who also implies that hordes are prohibited. Insolent fool, none may prohibit the horde! The horde's most most feared weapon is unleashed - the Loaf of Doom! - and within moments our opponent swiftly relents, admitting Giblets to Sam's supplicant servants. Excellent, my minions! You serve Giblets well!

The horde is directed to Molly in customer service who is quite helpful and polite. Apparently it is "company policy" to refuse the Gibletsian tithe. What madness is this! Such insolence will not go unpunished! Sam himself will be laid low before the might of Giblets, crushed and broken by the Squishless Horde! And when his innards are displayed upon my battlements, every Wal-Mart in the land will surrender its bounty of hearty Count Chocula cereals! To war! To war!

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posted by Giblets at 10:10 AM




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