Friday, April 8, 2005

Packaged and ready for blastoffWHOOM! A blast of light and pastry fills the night sky. There's a whiff of fresh cookie crust and cream filling, but a cream filling unlike any known by man or nature. It is an unidentified baked object, rising over the city. The pie has landed.

Be careful! This is no earth pie. It is a moon pie, filled with alien cream from beyond the stars ready to invade you with flavor. Has it come in peace? Is it the first in a wave of hostile desserts here to conquer earth with overwhelming alien sweetness? No. It's a pie! It has come to spread strange new tastes from an advanced enlightened civilization. This pie will blow your mind.

First contactScientists say we should welcome the pie cause such an advanced and tasty pastry has to be peaceful, but the military doesn't trust it. Anti-moon pie pies are quickly baked in secret Pentagon oven silos where they have waited ever since the recovery of the downed Roswell recipe in 1947.

You don't just want to eat this pie. You want it to take you back to its strange an beautiful homeworld where man and pie have learned to live in peace so you an the millions of enlightened new age freakout pie-children are makin a stand against the army an the metal pies of The Man. The secret army pies do not care: they crush past you with their riot shield pie-plates, armed with overpowering mackerel custard, spinach rhubarb, frog lime surprise. They attack the defenseless moon pie and are instantly destroyed by its pure overwhelming deliciousness. The crust is everywhere; children are traumatized for years.

Someday earth will be ready for the lessons of the moon pie. But for today you wave a sad farewell as it floats back off into the night sky. Do not give up hope, pie-watcher! The moon pie lives in all of us. Look inside yourself, and reach for it! Reach for the pie, pie-watcher. Reach for the pie.

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posted by fafnir at 12:34 PM




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