Thursday, April 14, 2005

So a lotta people been talkin about universal health care lately. "Oh, why don't we have universal health care." "Oh, American health care is so bad." "Oh, please I need medicine." No, I am sorry, stay away! If we gave you universal health care you would just spend it all on booze and prescription drugs.

Well other countries might have better health care, but at what cost? At the cost of freedom, that's what - the freedom squeezed from their lives by their all-powerful government healthbots. And freedom is the best medicine, right next to laughter and actual medicine! That's why me an Giblets founded Fafblog Without Borders to go bring urgent medical-grade freedom to the poor an uninsured around the world.

Today we're treatin a patient with a tumor - a malignant communist tumor tryin to nationalize his freedom cells! Giblets bombards it into submission with a stunning kazoo rendition of "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" while I attack it with laissez faire economics. Success! In no time at all he's up on his feet an eatin a healthy broth of boiled flags. I give him a prescription for eagles an tell him to take two a day.

Across the street the french Médecins Sans Frontières show up. "Socialized medicine!" says Giblets. "Vive la révolution!" says the french. They grab a guy with heart disease an start operatin on him: redistributin his wealth, controllin the means a production. He's just gettin worse! We try to resuscitate him by stickin a couple SUPPORT OUR TROOPS stickers on his forehead but the french shoo us away. The patient goes into cardiac arrent! One of em shoots a passin czar but it doesn't seem to help an the patient dies on accounta Socialism Doesn't Work. When will society learn!

Tomorrow we will end malaria in Africa with a buncha tax cuts an Fourth of July sparklers.
posted by fafnir at 11:54 AM



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