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Thursday, April 28, 2005

Energy: The Plan

Here at Fafblog we consider ourselves to be first and foremost an educational institution¹, and so in our ongoin efforts to inform the population we present to you a detailed summary of the latest additions to the Bush energy plan.²

Under the Bush Plan:

We will research alternatives to oil such as coal, nuclear power, a real big fat guy runnin in a hamster wheel to get to a piece a cake, and more oil.

Congress will triple the research dollars currently being devoted to discover a way to split the corn atom.

New drivers will be encouraged to sign pledges to abstain from drivin big gas-guzzlin cars and commit to drivin clean new experimental cars powered by a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Drivers of big gas-guzzlin cars will be classified slutty and hellbound by the Department of Energy but will still receive lucrative tax breaks.

Six hundred endearingly British gentlemen in pith helmets will be dispatched around the globe to explore for oil. Where will they find it? In the jungles of Africa? On the moon? Inside a buncha endangered animals? Who knows, it is all part of the adventure of exploring!

Also Presented: The Democratic Counterplan

1. "Reduce".
2. Crack open the Strategic Petroleum Reserve and party like it's the low, low gas prices of 1999!
3. Burn out on week-long oil bender, wake up in own feces, abort drunkenly-conceived oil baby
4. Shame.
5. Rehab
6. "Reuse".
7. Recycle!
8. Oil can't be recycled. Please go back and start again.

^{1. Sit up, Harrington! And spit out that gum! Your uniform is a mess incidentally and I am writing of it to your mother.}
^{2. Gafford that is utterly disgraceful. Report to the headmaster's at once.}

Labels: our world and how to kill it

posted by fafnir at 6:53 AM

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