Tuesday, March 29, 2005

ZOOM! Up in the sky – is it a bird? A plane? No, it’s LifeMan, protector of all things good and politically expedient!

“Look there, old chum!” says Life Man scannin the world with his super-secret lifemovision! “Down at the ReddiMart – it’s my arch-nemesis, Dr. Prescripto, and he’s endangering the unconceived!”
“This looks like a job for LifeMan!” says me!
“Here you go, children!” cackles the evil Dr. Prescripto. “These are birth control pills… with them you can have rampant promiscuous premarital sex without getting prrrrregnant! MWA-HAHAHAHAHA!”
“Stop right there, Prescripto!” says LifeMan. “Sperm cells may have only half the soul of a fetus, but there’s billions more of them – making your reckless war against unwanted pregnancy a cosmic genocide!”
“Maybe so, LifeMan, but you’re powerless to stop me!” says the evil Dr. Prescripto twirlin his mustache!
“Hardly, villain!” says LifeMan blastin the baddie with his zealotzap ray! “I’ve staffed this pharmacy with good, decent people who won’t give your sperm-murdering pills to anyone!
“Noooo! Foiled again!” says Dr. Prescripto explodin in a puff a smoke.
“Now to take down the threat of Masturbatron – and the nefarious menstruation cycle!” says LifeMan.
“LifeMan, you have to help me!” says a little Muslim boy runnin up to us. “My father is being tortured to death by soldiers who have occupied our country!”
“This looks like a job for LifeMan!” says me!
“It sure does, little friend!” says LifeMan. “Police, please arrest this boy. He may have information vital to national security.”

posted by fafnir at 11:36 AM



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