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Wednesday, February 2, 2005
So it's Groundhog Day again. Well whoop de do. Let us all worship and praise the mighty Groundhog, he who can control our destiny with but a flick of his shadow, who wields the very weather itself, who can command the future. Well Giblets leaves his six weeks of winter or spring to neither god nor groundhog! Giblets commands his own fate, and he says to hell with the groundhog!
Hear me, Gibletsians! The Day of the Groundhog ends now! It does not control your destiny! It does not hold your future! It does not own your fate! Giblets does. Giblets alone commands the wind and the rain, the snow and the sleet, the time and the temperature! "The time is now nine-thirty-three, sixty-three degrees Fahrenheit," says the voice Giblets commands at a mere touch. Yeeeeeees! That time is Giblets's time, that temperature is Giblets's temperature! Beside that power your "groundhog" is nothing, NOTHING! The Day of the Groundhog is over! The Day of the Gibhog begins! And Giblets's first decree is NOT six more weeks of winter, NOT six more motnhs of winter, but an eternal and unending winter - unless you slay the groundhog pretenders to Giblets's throne! Destroy them, my subjects, or face neverending ice slicks, snowy roads, and blizzard advisories! Mwa-haha! MWA-HAHAHAHA!
posted by Giblets at 9:28 AM
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