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Monday, February 7, 2005
Giblets is frustrated! Giblets is a kind and loving Giblets, even to old people who are foul and rank with the stench of imminent death, and wants to save Social Security. But Democrats oppose Giblets and his plan for Gibletizing Social Security at every turn!
Under Old Social Security, which Giblets has cleverly dubbed "Social Insecurity," your payroll taxes pay for the retirement of old people, and when you are old other people's payroll taxes pay for for you. This system is demographically flawed and will explode! But under Giblets's new plan, "Partial Gibletization," a portion of your payroll taxes go towards the funding of a kick-ass party for Giblets in a big mansion made of gold with a huge pool and a ton of hot naked chicks, which will stimulate the economy and encourage job growth! The rest of your taxes will go towards making a rocket ship that will launch old people into the sun. Giblets is confident his plan will save Social Security forever and supply him with an endless supply of lithe nubile women, the two most important components of any massive entitlement program. But instead of engaging in constructive debate, all Democrats have done is oppose Giblets's plan from the beginning! Well, Giblets doesn't see anyone else coming up with ideas here. Or at least, any ideas that answer the country's critical need for bouncing topless babes. Giblets has been plenty reasonable. Giblets would be willing to compromise on many critical details of his plan, including the size of the mansion, the purity of the gold, the ratio of Cristal to Evian in the pool, the quantity of jewels and sweetmeats in which Giblets is to be robed throughout the proceedings, the size of the crystal champagne-spouting Giblets statue to be displayed, and the number of naked chicks to be made available to ranking Democrats. But Giblets's bipartisan offerings are wasted upon them! Let there be total war!
posted by Giblets at 7:54 PM
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