Saturday, February 26, 2005

So Bob Herbert is sobbing on and on about this Maher Arar guy in Canada who got “kidnapped” by the “FBI” and “deported to Syria” to be “beaten and tortured for months.” And Giblets is goin’, so what? If John Ashcroft says he’s a terrorist that’s good enough for Giblets. And then Herbert says that Arar is free – free and on the loose in Canada, mere hours from Giblets’s home!

Iraq was thousands of miles away, with just one terrorist cell out of Saddam Hussein’s control. But Canada is right on top of us, and has personally harbored this Muslim menace. No one can doubt that Canada is on the wrong side of history – the side that is personally trying to destroy Giblets with hordes of bilingual agents of terror!

Giblets saw a Canadian at the mall today. He said “Nice day for it, eh?” Nice day for what? For your secret terrorist plots?! For your Islamist beheadings?! What is this “eh” business – he was speaking in code, in feverish Muslim “chatter” to Giblets! Giblets does not know your “frequency,” Saskatchewan Salafis! He will never yield to the mad zealotry of your maple leaf caliphate!

If Canada won’t hand over Maher Arar and his fellow eerily-polite, hockey-loving enemies of freedom, then there is only one possible response: massive, bloody, bowel-wrenching, weeks-of-CNN-spanning war followed by years of increasingly violent and dismal occupation. It shall be glorious!

Last week Giblets had maple syrup on a pancake. Maple syrup. Why did no one tell Giblets! His innards are corrupted forever.

It may be too late to save the purity of Giblets’s beautiful guts. But it is not too late to save America and its greater Gibletsian heritage! North to war – and to victory!
posted by Giblets at 2:20 PM



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