Thursday, January 27, 2005

Giblets hereby introduces a new weekly feature, "Poxes and Boons." Each week Giblets will place "poxes" upon the insolent and give "boons" to those who have pleased him! Strive for Giblets's favor, Gibletsians, or suffer his wrath!

A POX upon Jack Shafer, who mocks the Holy Revolution of Blogtopia from his old-media citadel of Slate Magazine! Giblets will explain why his Bloggian Revolution beats your old-style mainstream "internet journalism," Shafer. Oh sure, you also write independent fast-paced web-based fact-checking on the media. But the difference is you have "experience" and "resources" and "training," while Giblets rides the unbounded electronic fury of the internet which he can unleash upon you at his whim! Destroy him, my pretties!

A POX upon the Stop Government Propaganda Act. How dare the US Senate ban the pernicious spread of government-sponsored propaganda before Giblets has a chance to cash in! Giblets will shill for Social Security reform, for the Iran war, for the Syrian war. Get me while I'm hot!

A POX upon God and those who worship God! What has God ever done for you, God-worshipers! Giblets has given you the glorious gift of Giblets! God has just given you stupid things, like termites and herpes and smelling and the vast and boundless mystery of the sea! Stupid God! Double-pox upon you!

A POX upon George Lucas and those who worship George Lucas! You're worse than God! At least God didn't cast Jake Lloyd in Episode I!

A POX upon that guy at the airport who asked if I was "some kind of mouse"! Giblets is not a mouse! Giblets does not look like a mouse! Giblets does not look like anything but Giblets! Giblets revels in hisown Gibletsian glory and defies all descriptors! A pox is not good enough! FIE upon you! FIE!

A POX upon the month of January, already the crappiest month of the year. Snowed in with diseased roommates without internet access while being forced to imagine Abraham Lincoln and SpongeBob having sex was not Giblets's idea of a good time. Giblets does not have high expectations for February.

Giblets gives no BOONS to anyone this week for none are worthy of Giblets's boons. You are displeasing in his sight, universe!
posted by Giblets at 3:12 PM




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