Thursday, December 16, 2004

As everyone who has followed Giblets's 50-part series "Social Security: ARMAGEDDON!"1 knows, Social Security is going to EXPLODE! - MAYBE! - in FIFTY YEARS! - because it will run out of money, and the only thing to do is to borrow two trillion dollars from the Mystical Realm of Faerie to save us from going into debt.

But there may be another solution! Right now the usual bunch of whiners (old people, sick people, poor people - really, what do they do except whine?) are whining about Bush's plan to get rid of tax breaks for health insurance. This could be the Social Security solution we've all been waiting for! If thousands of companies get punished for giving their workers health insurance, well damn! Millions could end up LOSING their health insurance. And the less health coverage you have, the sicker you are, and the sicker you are, the faster you die, and the faster you die, the less Giblets has to pay for your stupid Social Security!

Between gutting health coverage and sending old people off to war, we've got a great start going putting a dent in American life expectancy. Right now it's somewhere around 77.2 years. That means 12.2 years where our parents and grandparents can leech off our hard-earned cash! If we work hard we can push that way lower - down to 75, 70 years, down to 68 and lower if we really work at it, and then we could just raise the retirement age and not have to worry about Social Security at all!

So there you have it. Giblets has solved all your fiscal problems at once! Social Security is saved! The budget is saved!2 More cannon fodder for Iraq! Three birds, one stone, everybody happy! Except for the dead people, and hey, Giblets doesn't hear them complainin'! You can thank Giblets anytime.

1. soon to be a major motion picture by Jerry Bruckheimer
2. at least until the tax cuts become permanent
posted by Giblets at 2:35 PM




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