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Saturday, December 18, 2004
Next week is Gibmas, the most sacred day of the year. The day when all Giblets-fearing Gibletsians - when EVERYONE! - must pay obeisance to Giblets and the glorious things he has done for them, such as overwhelming them with his resplendence and destroying their free will.1 But some people are spoiling Gibmas for everyone! They are Scrooging up Gibmas! They are the Grinches of Gibmas cheer!
The other day Giblets and the Giblets Players were going to perform a Gibmas pageant for a local school when some petty bureacrat stopped us because it was "politically incorrect!" And because it "endorsed fascism"! And because it "made children cry"! Well Giblets has taken a page out of the Mustang, Oklahoma playbook and denied eleven million dollars of funding to the school district. That'll show 'em for not enshrining Giblets's personal beliefs in a public school! Yeah, they're all "but Giblets we need that money for a school to educate our children waaaah" Well the children can bite me! No puppet show, no teachers' salaries! But Giblets's vengeance is not yet complete. There still exist others unpunished who have discriminated against Giblets, who have defied his mighty will, by refusing to purchase lemonade from him as a child - but Giblets is planning swift retribution! Enjoy your paved roads while you can, evildoers! 1. Oh, you don't believe Giblets has destroyed your free will, do you? Well, he made you read this footnote, didn't he?2 2. And this one!3 3. This one too!
posted by Giblets at 3:42 PM
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