Thursday, December 16, 2004

So yesterday the missile defense system failed again. Now there’s a lotta negative nancies out there talkin about how our missile shield is a costly Cold War boondoggle that has wasted billions of dollars, alienated our allies and started a new and pointless arms race. But this kinda talk is very destructive an costly to our missiles, who love us an want to do the very best they can for us.

The first thing we should do is let our missile system know that mistakes aren’t bad, they’re just learning experiences. Kudos to Richard A. Lehner of the Missile Defense Agency for letting our missiles know that we learned “quite a bit” from the latest missile test. There you go missiles! We’ll do better next time. You might even get off the launching pad!

If we are negative towards our missile systems, callin em “failures” an “disasters” an tellin em we wish they’d never been funded, well that’ll just make things worse! We need to love an encourage our missiles. They need our help an support to learn an grow. With a few kind words an some hard work an another 4.8 billion dollars these plucky little can-do missiles should be able to take some serious steps toward self-improvement!

Oh I know what you’re thinkin. “Fafnir” you’re thinkin “we’ve already spent $80 billion on this and it’s gotten us nowhere.” Well you can’t just buy your missiles’ success yknow. You need to make it a personal investment. Read to your missiles. Ask em how they did at their test launch. Tuck them in at night. Make sure they know that you love them an support them no matter what. An make they know that it’s not their fault you broke up with your allies. Just tell em “Daddy an Europe still love you, they just aren’t committing troops together anymore.”

It’s never too late for a second chance with love. And if we don’t give that second chance to our missiles, who will we give it to?
posted by fafnir at 12:24 PM




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