Friday, December 3, 2004

You're in a desert, walking along in the sand, when you look down and see a tortoise.

This is standard procedure, designed and developed to protect you and the homeland. Do not be alarmed: you may be a terrorist.

Intent is immaterial. You may not remember when you became a terrorist, when you first dedicated yourself to the fiery destruction of the Great Satan of the West. You may not even be cognizant of it. But your everyday actions could be spurring along the downfall of civilization as we speak.

We must hunt down the jihadists and bring them to justice. But we must also hunt the elderly Swiss grandmother who has accidentally indirectly funded the jihadists. And we must hunt the dutiful Swiss son who funds the grandmother who funds the jihadists, and the company that employs the Swiss man who funds the grandmother who funds the jihadists. And this is only the tip of the iceberg. Who was that derelict you tossed your spare change at the other day? Who saw your "Buck Fush" bumper sticker last week? Is that piece of anti-American propaganda even now spreading like wildfire through the Muslim world, costing us in the battle for hearts and minds?

We need to know. For the good of the nation, for the good of humanity - we have to know.

Divorced from intent, a terrorist network is no longer limited to a collection of militant jihadists and their witting and willing benefactors. It is a vast and intricate web of agents, knowing and unknowing, whose actions benefit the cause of Terror. You may not think you're a terrorist, but your actions may be actions that can only belong to a terrorist. What have you been doing lately? What have you been saying? Who have you been saying it to? What have you been buying, selling, giving, wearing, eating? What have you been thinking? If your thoughts were a shape, would they be an American shape, or a terrorist shape?

Terror is not an ideology. It is an essence. We can detain you and isolate you from your Terror network for as long as possible until we can properly extract and control that essence, until it can be placed in mighty engines and turbines, where it will be converted into raw Freedom, which will power fantastic machines and subtle devices.

You may experience pain, dizziness, shortness of breath, rope burns, burnt genitalia, and strangulation. Do not be alarmed: this is normal. Your agony is admissible in court, where it, too, can be extracted, and converted into Justice. Only then can we protect your freedom from yourself.

You look down and see a tortoise. You reach over and flip it on its back. Is that tortoise you? Is that tortoise Terror? God help us all, is that tortoise America?
posted by the Medium Lobster at 6:13 PM



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