Tuesday, November 30, 2004

OUR SCENE: FAFNIR has met GIBLETS at the house of Anticles the Sophist. FAFNIR has just escaped from an Athenian prison on the ship of Theseus; GIBLETS is on his way to defeat Achilles in a race to see who can make Socrates drink the most hemlock.

FAFNIR: Why hello there Giblets! I see you have a sandwich.
GIBLETS: Yes and it is Giblets's sandwich so keep your sandwich-grabby hands off it!
FAF.: Giblets I am surprised at you! I would never take your sandwich.
GIBS.: Better not. It is a delicious grilled ham an cheese an it is Giblets's.
FAF.: Oh my. I am afraid I will have to confiscate your sandwich Giblets.
GIBS.: What! Bhahe! You just said!
FAF.: It isn't me takin your sandwich Gilbets it is the government. That sandwich is a Class-3 Controlled Sandwich.
GIBS.: Nuts to the government! Giblets is the only government that matters here an all sandwiches are permitted! Eat what thou wilt is the whole of the law!
FAF.: But the federal government gets to regulate stuff even in local Gibletsy governments because it gets to regulate interstate commerce.
GIBS.: The government is stupid! Giblets's sandwich is not commerce, it is Giblets's sandwich and he is going to eat it!
FAF.: But just cause you're gonna eat the sandwich doesn't mean it's not commerce. How does the government know you're not gonna do somethin commercy with your sandwich like feed it to livestock or let it have sex with a prostitute? Wouldn't you be drivin down the price of sandwiches in the black sandwich market?
GIBS.: What if the sandwich is MARRIED to the prostitute? Or to the livestock?
FAF.: But you coulda faked your sandwich's marriage license. Your sandwich could be livin in sin. Or worse, livin in economic activity.
GIBS.: Giblets isn't gonna sit here an listen to you smear his sandwich's good name!
FAF.: The government doesn't know for sure Giblets. The government just doesn't know you anymore. You never call the government Giblets. You never talk to it.
GIBS.: Every time Giblets talks to the government it's just nag, nag, nag! Why don't you go back to school! When are you gettin married! Let me confiscate your pot!
FAF.: As long as you live under the government's roof you gotta live by the government's rules Giblets. An the government's rules say you gotta give up your sandwich.
GIBS.: But Giblets NEEDS his sandwich. He needs it to LIVE.
FAF.: The government can't tell the difference between medical an recreational sandwich use Giblets. How's the government sposed to know you aren't gonna snort or freebase the sandwich?
GIBS.: Giblets has proof! He has a prescription from his sandwich shop!
FAF.: It is too late Giblets. We have to take your sandwich away.
GIBS.: This is corrupt oppression! You just wanna eat Giblets's sandwich!
FAF.: Thaff nof froo Hibleth. Mmmf hmmmf. We're just - mmf chmmmf - dishposhn a contrabanth.
GIBS.: Give that back!
FAF.: Ow! Stop that!
GIBS.: YOU stop it!
FAF.: HEY! No biting no biting!

The gentlemen, now enlightened, proceed to the Senate to give stirring orations calling for the obliteration and preservation of Carthage.


posted by fafnir at 11:17 AM



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