Friday, November 19, 2004
The word is out an the word is reform! It is the hot new trend in government today an everybody's doin it! "But Fafnir how do I know what reform is I do not know anythin" you say because you are a literary device. Well you, that's what Fafblog's here for! Me an Giblets have put together this Guide to Reform so you Fafblog readers can understand the excitin new changes happenin in our democracy!
A GUIDE TO REFORM!
Tax reform! In the old days poor people controlled everythin in America: sidewalks, cardboard boxes, soup kitchen soup. It was horrible! It was only recently that a few brave Robin Hoods in the Republican Party decided to take things back from these lower-class fat1 cats2 an give it back to salt-a-the-earth robber barons. More tax reform is on the way, with a plan to reform away taxes on business investment and capital gains, and get rid of tax breaks for companies that give employees health benefits! Way to stick it to the man who's gettin stuck to by The Man!
Social Security reform! The way old Social Security worked, you would get taxed an your taxes would go to some borin ol crotchedy ol ol person. But in new reformed Social Security, you get taxed an your taxes go to some borin ol crotchedy ol ol person, AND they go to YOU when YOU are that borin ol crotchedy ol ol person forty years down the line! How can that work? It doesn't! In fact it leaves a massive multi-trillion dollar deficit! But it is better on accounta it is Privatized.
Budget reform! America's a big country with big ideas. Why would we want a little deficit? Make it as big as you can! If you make it big enough, it will catalyze Budgageddon an Budget Jesus will come back. Note: this is not official budget policy yet.
Electoral reform! Russia used to have elections for everything: elections for governor, elections for parliament, election this, election that. But Vladimir Putin reformed all that outta the way! Now everythins a lot more streamlined. There's just the rigged election for president, an he gets to pick the rest! Easy as pie - delicious reform pie.
An of course none a this could be possible without
Reform reform! In the ol days when you wanted to reform somethin you had to actually make it better. But with new reformed reform, you can just change it so it's different, or so it benefits you to the detriment of everyone else! This way, corrupt people are no longer cruelly excluded from the reform process. Now they're standin at the head of the class!
Thank you, reform! What would we do without you!
1. the lower class is not actually fat
2. although they sometimes do have to eat cat food. the cheap kinda cat food.
posted by fafnir at 6:09 PM