Tuesday, November 2, 2004
I voted today an I got the sticker to prove it! Some people say your vote doesn't count. But who's to say my little vote won't swing this crazy little state! Of Rhode Island. You should vote too! Just check to make sure a few things before you go:Do you have your DNA samples ready? Remember that you will need a skin scraping, a blood sample, and a bone marrow extraction in addition to the usual urinalis if you want to vote in Florida or Ohio.
Are you a criminal? Remember that it is a crime to vote if you are or have ever been or think you have ever known somebody who is guilty of a crime or a felony or a traffic violation. Election observers or "challengers" can determine your eligibility by "challenging" you to a duel. If you win two out of three falls while joustin on horseback, congratulations! You may vote. If you are gored to death you may request a provisional ballot.
Are you ready to confront the Sphinx? When it appears before you in the polling station do not panic. Present it with a valid photo ID an proof of residence an then answer its riddle. If you answer correctly you will be given a ballot. If you answer incorrectly it will tear out your heart an devour your soul.
Are you a college student, a minority, or an elderly jewish voter? I am sorry but you are not allowed to vote this year please try again next time.
posted by fafnir at 1:38 PM