Saturday, October 2, 2004
Hello an welcome to another edition of Fafblog Roundtable! Today we will be discussin who won the presidential debate the other night. Still! After two days! Nothin else goin on the world. Nooooooothin else.
FAFNIR: So! How did John Kerry do in the debate Giblets?
GIBLETS: John Kerry did pretty well Fafnir. He showed strength an directness which musta been tough for him, on accounta he usually likes to discuss foreign policy by mincin around in a tutu goin "I'm John Kerry, blah blah blah! Oh I am long-winded and effeminate! Allow me to read from the Paris telephone directory!"
FAF.: That's very true he did a lot to rise above expectations. What about George Bush?
GIBS.: "Oh, I am made of ketchup! Oh, I throw like a girl!"
THE MEDIUM LOBSTER: Thursday's debate accomplished a lot for George Bush; he exceeded expectations wildly. Most aboard the Bush campaign assumed he would spend most of the night drooling, twitching, and speaking in tongues, but to have the president manage to not only stand upright for an hour and a half but to form whole words and even whole sentences - well, I think the Bush camp has quite a bit to crow about.
FAF.: That is very true because a lotta the time when you see George Bush you think "wow he is so plainspoken he may just unleash a primal roar from the collective unconsciousness an bludgeon John Kerry with a lion femur"! What do you think were some a the best moments for the campaigns in the debate?
GIBS.: Giblets liked how George Bush kept referrin to Vladimir Putin as "Vladimir." It showed that just cause you're a former KGB agent strangling a newborn democracy in its crib in order to create your own authoritarian regime doesn't mean George Bush can't sit down with you over a plate a ribs.
ML: I thought John Kerry's best moment was when he managed to mention Charles DeGaulle without breaking down into incoherent Francophile paeans to the glory of the Third Republic.
FAF.: All good an I agree with everythin! Let's see what our monkeys have to say!
*** FAFBLOG SPECIAL POLL*** Fafblog has been polling a group of two dozen undecided monkeys extensively since the close of the debates. When asked, "Who won the debate?", a majority of monkeys screamed and hurled feces at us. When asked "Who do you trust more to lead the country?", two out of three monkeys began smashing pieces of fruit into their teeth. The remaining monkeys ate bugs. ***THIS HAS BEEN A FAFBLOG SPECIAL POLL***
FAFNIR: Who do you think won this debate Giblets?
GIBLETS: Giblets sees it as a "draw," or perhaps a "drew," which is like a draw only it helps Kerry more than it helps Bush but is still definitely a draw.
THE MEDIUM LOBSTER: The important thing to remember was that there was no knockout punch, Fafnir.
FAF.: That's true. There was no knockout punch.
GIBS.: Yes. No knockout punch.
FAF.: What would have been a good knockout punch? Let's start with Giblets I like him more!
GIBS.: Kerry coulda jumped onto the podium an shouted "KERRY CRUSH PUNY BUSH! KERRY STRONGEST ONE THERE IS!" That woulda gone a long way towards makin folks feel safer with a Kerry administration.
ML: And George Bush could've stabbed Kerry with a crude knife fashioned from a bedspring during their second handshake. Alas, both men missed their windows of opportunity.
FAF.: Well that's it for Fafblog Roundtable! Next week on Fafblog Roundtable: is this dog fat? Just how fat is this dog? I think it's a fat dog! Be sure to check it out next week!
posted by fafnir at 10:08 AM