Sunday, October 31, 2004
"An so another All Hallow's Eve draws to a close," says me. "I went as trick-or-treatin as an increasingly fragmented electorate. Bush Bush Kerry! Kerry Kerry Bush! Marriage sanctity sanctity!"
"I went as the unquenchable consumption of our limited resources," says Giblets. "Feed me oil! Feed me oil NOOOOOW!"
"I got apples an coupons for french fries an pennies an evangelical religious tracts!" says me.
"This one tells me why role-playing games are witchcraft," says Giblets. "An this one tells me why Jesus is cool - by revealing that he is a colorful anthropomorphized talkin animal who also raps!"
"This one tells me why Halloween is evil," says me. "It is the devil's holiday."
"It's true," says Giblets. "Every Snickers in every plastic pumpkin pail feeds Lucifer's unholy flame."
"If only Satanism weren't so delicious!" says me.
"Beelzebub is made of candy," says Giblets. "That's why he was God's most perfect an most powerful creation."
"An that's why he tempts us to destruction an the gum disease gingivitis," says me. "Which is the second death."
"They say on a Halloween just like this two bloggers just like you an me met their tragic fate," says Giblets.
"They picked up a mysterious hitchhiker," says me. "Who appeared suddenly on the road next to a haunted railway crossing."
"An for fifty years they married her without ever untyin the ribbon around her neck," says Giblets. "An when they did she said her name three times an disappeared into a mirror to kill kids at a party!"
"An all she left behind was her hook hand in the door a their car," says me. "They never even found out her name."
"An when they went to her granma's house to return her hook hand her granma was all 'She died thirty years ago - on the night of her prom! You can see her gravestone right there!'" says Giblets.
"An then they woke up in a bathtub full of ice with their kidneys missin," says me. "But when they called 911 the call was comin from their own house!"
"That's cause 911 had moved into their basement," says Giblets. "Which meant that hijacked planes were crashin into it all the time."
"On that day we were all Americans," says me solemnly.
"Except for the French," says Giblets solemnlier.
posted by fafnir at 11:20 PM