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Thursday, October 14, 2004
Fafblog has been down an out for a couple days but we are back with delayed DEBATE BLOGGING! Like normal I speak in straight-forward normal type an Giblets speaks in the sinister voice of slanty-speak.
Will we ever be as safe an secure as we did when Bob Schieffer grew up, Giblets, under the threat of instant nuclear annihilation? It's hard to say, Fafnir. But one thing is certain: Freedom is on the march. At home and in Iraq and in Afghanistan - now in well-armed warlord form! Freedom also GROWS in Afghanistan! Those aren't just poppies, Giblets. They are poppies of democracy. Bloom on, sweet opiates of liberty! Bloom on! Compassion is on the march too as George Bush is pointing out. We now have "armies of compassion." This isn't your wimpy, pussy compassion, Fafnir. This is compassion with guns. This is a KILLIN' compassion! But which is stronger Giblets? Compassion or freedom? Freedom could totally smoke compassion in a fight. Better armed, more superior firepower, and just a whole lot nastier an stronger. I hear compassion lost over a thousand troops in Abu Ghraib alone. George Bush asks us to get the flu for the good of the country, just like he will. Good for you George Bush! I'm gonna start lickin strange surfaces right away! He also points out that John Kerry's health care plan will require thousands of government cyborgs to be stationed in your homes to inject you with penicillin every day. Well what if I don't LIKE forced penicillin injections, John Kerry? That's a very good point Giblets. Now John Kerry keeps talkin about "pay as you go." An George Bush keeps talkin about "Paygo." What is Paygo, Giblets? I believe that Paygo is the Filipino god of fire, retribution an tax hikes who is predicted in the ancient tomes to return to afflict the earth with plagues of frogs, deadly flames, and big government regulation. Bow before his blood-drenched Satanic Majesty! It's interesting to see John Kerry make a play for the pagan idolatry vote like this Giblets. Will it pay off? It was probably a bad move on Kerry's part, Fafnir. But he did make a strong appeal to soul-crushing liberals who want the government to take over all aspects of life through health care tax credits, an that could help him in Michigan. Well you have to remember Giblets that John Kerry is the most liberal senator from liberal Massachusetts an he is even more liberal than Senator Liberal P. McLiberal which is so so liberal! I think a lot of Americans will look at John Kerry's record after this debate and say "Man - a liberal! He voted three thousand twenty-two times to support the 'I Love Being A Liberal!' Resolution! I can't vote for him!" Wow it must suck to be the president. George Bush wanted so hard to get that assault weapon ban renewed but he was just completely powerless to do anything about it. Yes, Fafnir. Completely powerless before the titans of Congress. Which is controlled by the Libertarian Party right now, I believe. There has been so much division in America over the last few years. How did that happen? I mean the president passed No Child Left Behind with his good friend Ted Kennedy an now he is bein opposed by horrible liberally liberals like Ted Kennedy. Sounds like those bastard Libertarians again, Fafnir. Now it's time for the God Round! Does God hate John Kerry cause he's in favor a killin babies? How much does God hate John Kerry? Is votin for John Kerry a mortal sin, or just a venal sin? Or to put it in a positive light: Does John Kerry feel confident about winnin the Atheists and Heathens vote? Kerry disappointed on that one. He really needs to talk comfortably about his faith more. Like George Bush does when he says "Being gay is a choice between Americans, their God, and the holy fire that consumes their cities." But notice how the president was very compassionate on that one, talkin bout how gay people have the freedom to be gay. They just don't have equal protection under the law as a result of that freedom. But Kerry's not gettin all the tough questions here! How will he handle Schieffer's hard-hittin "If God was a tree what kinda tree would he be" question? Giblets thinks he knows the answer to that one. Freedom on the march? Army of compassion? God would be a tree with guns, man. With great big guns. Wow the hard questions just keep comin! Do President Bush an John Kerry love their wives Giblets? I was really wonderin about this one. Gotta give this one to Bush, Fafnir. I mean, sure, both men love their wives and their families. But didn't Kerry divorce his old wife? Isn't that a flip-flop? And Giblets got a little "...and she's a real bitch" vibe right after the "strong women" crap. That's very true, Giblets. An you can't pick a president without thoroughly evaluating his relationship with his wife. John Kerry says he'll kill the terrorists, kill the terrorists, kill the terrorists. Well, talk's cheap, Kerry! You gotta pop one yourself before the initiation is complete! President Bush has a picture on his wall. A picture of Optimism. Do you believe in Optimism? Because Optimism means votin for President Bush. If you vote for him he will show you what Optimism looks like. I hear it looks like a sunrise. An underemployed, undereducated sunrise lacking many essential constitutional protections. But a sunrise nonetheless. An that concludes the Presidential Debates! Have you decided who to vote for based on them, undecided voters? If so then may God have mercy on our souls.
posted by fafnir at 1:35 AM
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