Wednesday, October 6, 2004
My fellow Gibletsians: Giblets greets you. BowbeforeGiblets.
This election Giblets faces two remarkable opponents. Remarkable in their unworthiness before Giblets! They have been tested by trained Gibletsian scientists who wear lab coats and goggles and everything and been proven to be liberal - grossly disgustingly Liberal! They are the two most liberal presidents and senators in the history of mankind! And that includes Senator Libby P. McLiberal of Liberalland who is really damn liberal! Science does not lie look at those beakers!
You do not want them to replace your Giblets. And not only because of their icky liberalness - but because of their flip-flappiness. Why just yesterday George Bush and John Kerry changed their positions on sleep - twice. First they were for being asleep. Then they were for being awake. Then they were for being asleep again. Some people can never make up their minds.
These are not the kind of leaders we need steering Giblets's great nation. Because they are liberal. Because they are weak. Terrifyingly weak, while Giblets is strong.
Giblets can bench press a truck. With his mind.
You doubt Giblets? Giblets is doing it now! He is lifting that truck - that one over there can't you see it! - right off the ground and he is lifting it over and over and even spinning it a bit and now doing a bit of freestyle juggling and all with the power of his mighty mighty brains! Those mighty brains can solve all our problems. They have the Will. They have the Resolve. They have the Secret Plan.
Do not look at the truck you will ruin everything! You will embolden the truck! How can you bench press a truck with your magical powers of telekinesis after you have said it was the wrong truck to bench press? You are not qualified to bench press the truck!
You are not qualified because you are not big enough! Your resolve is not big enough. Your will is not big enough. Your patriotism is not big enough. Giblets knows your patriotism is not big enough because your flag is not big enough. My flag is bigger than your flag, my god is bigger than your god, my wound is bigger than your wound, SING IT!
This November, do not vote for the "reasonable" candidate who offers you the most "competent" plan to protect the country. Vote for the most grandiose rhetoric and posturing possible. Vote for Giblets.
posted by Giblets at 8:29 PM