Thursday, October 21, 2004

There are seventy thousand dead in Darfur an I'm watchin TV. "Mary Cheney gay," says TV. "Gay Cheney gay. Gay gay gay gay gay gay gay. Tesesa Heinz. Gay lesbian gay." Which is a valid point. Mary Cheney IS gay which is pretty important when you stop thinkin about it.

The Janjaweed militia is killing ten thousand a month and Tucker Carlson an Paul Begala are in my livin room for a Serious Debate on Serious Problems. Did Tesesa Heinz Kerry make fun of Laura Bush? Does that make Teresa Heinz Kerry "a bitch"? "The First Lady is America's wife!" says Tucker Carlson. "We can't let America marry a bitch!" Tucker hits the buzzer sound effect which makes the board light up an reveal eight potential cash prizes! "No whammies no whammies!" says Paul Begala.

I'm still kinda confused cause I'm not sure what this has to do with a girl in the Sudan whose family has been raped and murdered by armed militias but David Brooks has an answer for me! "It's because of the French," he says on my couch with a mouth full of potato skins. "The French and John Kerry." That's funny. I don't remember the French running the Sudan, or the White House either.

Giblets has fallen asleep in the onion dip watchin Larry King Live!, where Dr. Phil is explainin to me about the epidemic of oral sex in our middle schools. "Thousands of blowjobs every day!" says a visibly upset Dr. Phil. "Thousands upon thousands of pert teen lips! Can't you see it, Larry? Can't you see it?" There is genuine hurt on Dr. Phil's face, just like there's genuine hurt on the faces of children orphaned by the mass murderers in Darfur. I wish I could take away Dr. Phil's hurt.

There's a law that's going to make it legal to ship people off to Syria to be beaten with electrical cables and a buildup of nuclear arms in Iraq and North Korea and next month ten thousand more are probably going to die in Darfur. But there's also important stuff to think about, like the bump on George Bush's back an whether he an John Kerry are Jesusy enough. What are you going to care about in the end?
posted by fafnir at 11:02 PM




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