Thursday, October 7, 2004
We're deep in the savage jungle trackin fearsome beasts. Giblets has the elephant gun an the binoculars. I got the juice box an the pretzels! We are huntin big game.
"Gimme the pith helmet!" says Giblets. "Giblets needs to look bold."
"Giblets we agreed to share the pith helmet," says me. "We alternate every hour on the hour an I still get to look bold till three o clock."
"Three o clock is beneath Giblets!" says Giblets. "Giblets must cut a strikingly anachronistic figure now or we will never capture our ferocious prey!"
"We have already captured many ferocious prey Giblets," says me. "Think of the sandwiches."
"True," says Giblets. "The corned beef on rye was a magnificent beast an put up a fantastic struggle we will remember all our days! But Giblets seeks greater glory!"
"I bet we can hunt some bagels," says me an we do.
The jungle is beautiful but dangerous an we have already lost twelve men to fierce predators such as the bus which cleverly tricked Weedy an Wict into gettin on it when we were supposed to take the subway. Me an Giblets threw bamboo spears at it but it dove back into the thick underbrush. You will be avenged Weedy an Wict!
"We must track it to its lair," says me. "To the secret bus matin grounds."
"Giblets hunts for bigger prey!" says Giblets. "Giblets is not satisfied with mere buses. He must hunt the most dangerous game!"
"The most dangeous game is Rock em Sock em Robots," says me. "Cause if you really knock a robot's head off you could release deadly robot radiation."
"Robots are nothing to Giblets!" says Giblets. "He will vanquish them with one blow of his pith helmet!"
"Not till three o clock," says me sittin in the pith helmet.
"Then Giblets will hunt the second-most-dangerous game," says Giblets. "Which is Hungry Hungry Hippos."
"All this anti-hippo sentiment," says me. "People go 'Oh the hippos they are so terrible' but if people fed them they would not be so hungry an dangerous."
"You can't beat hippos with blankets an love!" says Giblets. "This is a war between civilization an hipposism! Gimme the Panama hat! Giblets needs to look moderately intrepid."
"Giblets we agreed to share the Panama hat," says me sittin in the Panama hat.
"Stupid sharing," says Giblets.
The promisin trail of bus droppings has thinned out an lead to a small clearin but when we get there the buses are fleein from a larger an more ferocious predator who has staked out the waterin hole as its own territory. It is a Chrysler Building!
"I think it is restin," says me. "Probably after a large meal of office workers."
"We will never come across such a fearsome creature again!" says Giblets. "We must take it now!"
"I dunno Giblets," says me. "Maybe we shoulda started out smaller with like lions an squirrels an stuff."
"What are you crazy? Those things have teeth," says Giblets.
"Oh no!" says me. "It has seen us! It's turnin this way!"
"It is charging at us!" says Giblets. "It is charging at us veeerrrrrry slowly!"
"Quick use the binoculars!" says me.
"These binoculars have no effect!" says Giblets.
"Quick use the pretzels!" says me.
"These pretzels are unloaded!" says Giblets.
All we have left is the juice box but it is just enough! A direct hit an the Chrysler Building lets out a terrible roar thrashin in its death throes before fallin finally still.
"It was a magnificent beast," says Giblets.
"Yes it was," says me. "We came to commune with its savage beauty an love it like a brother before we brought it down."
"I think we should leave it here," says Giblets, "as it is several thousand times larger than us an difficult to carry."
"Agreed," says me. "We will stuff an preserve it on our next trip."
Next time we will capture an tag a group of taxis to study their fascinatin migratory patterns. There is always more to learn from the strange an savage yet beautiful world of the jungle.
posted by fafnir at 9:17 PM