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Wednesday, September 1, 2004
Welcome again to Fafblog convention speechbloggin! Again to elimnate confusion I will type in normal-language an Giblets will type in italics-language.
Well Giblets we have heard that this speech will have a lot of red meat for the delegates. Is there any chance it or the Zell Miller speech we just heard could turn off moderates? Only if moderates are a buncha girls, Fafnir. You're not a buncha girls, are you, moderates? A pretty strong entrance. Big applause, an the crimson robes an the goblet of blood are a nice touch. Dick Cheney needs his bling, man. I like the part about how you need a president you can count on to get things right. Like invadin the right countries an goin after the right terrorists. Exactly. If we hadn't invaded Iraq and removed its dangerous stockpile of civilians, why Saddam Hussein could be usin huge civilian-loaded catapults to fling Iraqis at the United States right now! An if we hadn't let Osama bin Laden get away he never woulda gotten captured by aliens, reprogrammed an turned into the super-cyborg UltraTerrorist, an returned to earth to fight for truth an justice! That's right. Remember how useful Osama was in fightin off last year's Mole Men invasion! All that woulda been wasted if George Bush made the wrong decision and went after al Qaeda. I am glad that Dick Cheney is stickin it to Kerry for not supportin our troops in combat. Yknow cause a that vote he had somewhere. It is worse than that Fafnir! Remember that when you criticize the President you are criticizin the troops an sappin their morale because the military is the bodily extension of the President. Tanks and troops are like his fingers and toes! He feels them from thousands of miles away with his mighty Presidential brain! Oh yeah! I think that is in Article III or something. I also like that this isn't just a fluff speech Giblets. Like he does not just say "John Kerry wants to show the enemy our 'soft side'" as if to reduce foreign policy to childish name-callin where you impugn your critics masculinity. He specifically points out John Kerry's plan to defeat the Iraqi insurgency by bakin delicious chocolate-chip brownies for Abu Musab al-Zarwai. Very true. I do not think many foreign policy experts were very impressed by Kerry's 12-Point Delicious Brownie Initiative. An finally a firm fierce yet fact-driven closer: "Elect John Kerry and his girly Frenchy-French cowardice will annihilate us all." An really when you look at all the facts who can argue? A powerful speech Giblets. But do you think tearin the beatin heart outta the livin John Kerry impersonator to cap it off will alienate swing voters? Nah. 'Sides what's the point a bein the boss if you can't have fun at your own party?
posted by fafnir at 11:02 PM
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