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Thursday, September 30, 2004
Can it be? Can this be the End of an Era?
Giblets tuned into the presidential debates expecting to see an exciting duel between two of his favorite cartoons: namby-pamby Frenchy-French made-of-ketchup John Kerry and gung-ho cowboy dumb-but-full-of-heartland-values George Bush. And he expected, like he has always expected since he was a little Giblets sitting down to watch cartoons, for the Good Guy in the cowboy hat to win. What Giblets was not prepared for - what has completely blindsided him! - is seeing them not show up at all. Instead of the weak-kneed flip-flopping elitist being put in his place by the simple-talkin' cowpoke who squints ABMs in the face of terror, Giblets had to endure seeing the leader of the free world whine like an old woman with an expired aspirin coupon while Mr. Monument trounced him in rich, dulcet tones! How could this be? Television assured Giblets that John Kerry was a weak leader based on his long-windedness, his ability to speak French, and the fact that he married a woman with a foreign accent, and that George Bush was a strong leader based on the fact that he clears brush real good! But tonight John Kerry was looking leaderesque and George Bush who was looking like a whiney little bitch. What can this mean? Giblets refuses to "analyze policy" or "look at facts." He evaluates world leaders based on how entertaining, personable, and manly they appear on TV! But now that Almighty Cable itself has grown fickle and feckless, Giblets has no choice but to challenge John Kerry directly - for the good of boob-tubers everywhere! Giblets will debate John Kerry himself while repeatedly punching a rhinocerous in the face to prove Giblets's superior manliness! John Kerry will probably feel compelled to also bring an animal to punch but he will resort to something like an emu or a chicken. Worry not, Gibletsians! Giblets's triumph is assured! Only Giblets promises true Leadershipship for the twenty-first century!
posted by Giblets at 11:54 PM
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