Tuesday, September 21, 2004
So me an Giblets were down at the mall buyin oil at the oil store - "Only $47 a barrel!" says Giblets, "What a steal!" - but we also stopped to take a look at other stuff to buy. When you buy stuff you aren't just buyin stuff. You are makin an investment! An investment in a future in which you have more stuff!
"There's a sale on at the cell phone store," says me. "Buy one cell phone get another cell phone at the same price."
""Not good enough!" says Giblets. "Giblets needs more than two cell phones. He needs six or seven or a dozen cell phones. He needs to wear them in a bandolier around his chest!"
"Giblets you just got a cell phone last month," says me. "It is a brand new cell phone."
"It is last month's cell phone!" says Giblets throwin his cell phone into a pit where it explodes. “It is the cell phone of yesterday. Giblets must swim in the electric current of today! His stuff must be of the moment!"
"You put too much pressure on your stuff Giblets," says me. "I just bought circus peanuts! Their deliciousness will never become obsolete."
"Your circus peanuts are old an featureless!" says Giblets. "Giblets wants a phone that can take video an do email an control the sea! Giblets craves products an abilities far beyond those of mortal men!"
"They're comin out with a new kinda circus peanut," says me. "One that's shaped like a circus."
"Does it have Bluetooth?" says Giblets. "Can it split the mighty atom?"
"I dunno," says me. "I do not know much about its capabilities."
"The products of the future will have all the capabilities of all the other products of the future!" says Giblets. "Phones will receive TV signals. Families will talk over the TV. Your car will drive on the internet! Your computer will drive an juice oranges an carry up to four armed nuclear warheads! And Giblets shall own them all!"
"Wow!" says me. "That sounds like a better future. Or a more expensive one even!"
"Yes an the best part is as soon as Giblets purchases his future-goods new futuregoods will have already been created!" says Giblets. "An then he can throw all of his old, useless, just-purchased things into a mighty landfill which will dump them straight into the earth's core to never be seen again by the eyes of man, an buy a whole new set of things to start all over with!"
"Now I feel bad about my investment," says me. "Like my circus peanuts should spit lasers or somethin."
"They are an inferior product," says Giblets. "You are only investin in deliciousness. Giblets is investing in a world made a cell phones!"
"In a world made a cell phones, your feet are always just a phone call away," says me.
"In a world made a cell phones, when you ring the world rings with you," says Giblets.
"In a world made a cell phones you can play Tetris with your toxic waste!" says me.
"It will be a dual use apocalpyse," says Giblets.
"Hey, if I throw my circus peanuts hard enough they can hurt someone!" says me. "That's kinda like havin a weapon-food feature."
"Better," says Giblets, "but can it explode in a Baghdad marketplace?"
"There's always time to improve I guess," says me.
posted by fafnir at 3:53 PM