Friday, August 20, 2004
Well this is perhaps the weightiest an import-est day ever in our week of weight an import because today we are interviewin none other than the President of the United States himself George W. Bush! It is amazin what is he doin talkin to a little internet blog!
FAFBLOG: Mr. President thank you so much for bein here today!
GEORGE W. BUSH: The lesion is all mine, Fafnir.
FB: Now Mr. President there's been a lotta talk lately about how "oh there were no weapons in Iraq" an "oh there was no al Qaeda connection to Iraq" an "oh holy crap why are we stuck in Iraq" an "can you please please get us out of Iraq."
GWB: Fafnir, you hear all kindsa crazy talk out there. Some people out there believe in things like bigfoot an' global warming. But one thing is certain: we could not shrink from our duty in confronting terror in Iraq. If freedom is to defeat terror, it must demonstrate its strengthativity over evil. It must be tough. Real tough. So tough it must attack the terrorists where they don't even exist.
FB: Wow... that is pretty tough!
GWB: Now watch me cut this tree branch with a chainsaw.
FB: Hey, you are pretty tough-lookin yourself Mr. President! That tree branch didn't stand a chance!
GWB: Some days I take on a whole hedge all by myself.
FB: Now Mr. President things arent goin too good rebuildin Iraq an a lotta people say you coulda planned for it better or maybe at all. What do you say to those people Mr. President?
GWB: Y'know, Fafnir, Iraq is free now. It has freedom. You can't hold back and delay freedom. A great American once said that freedom denied is freedom... not good freedom.
FB: I think that was Cap'n Crunch! He was also a military man!
GWB: Freedom can't wait for UN bureacrats or weapons inspectors or post-war plannin', Fafnir. Freedom's gotta bust out an' be freedom.
FB: I hear freedom is gay! Come out freedom! We will still love you!
GWB: But in order to spread freedom we must be resolute against the voices of negatissity that would deny that freedom to others. The same negative naysayers that criticize our liberation of Afghanistan and the Moon.
FB: But the Moon is so much better since we liberated it!
GWB: The Moon now enjoys peaceful security and freedom, Fafnir. The moon is a rising democracy, and we are moving forward with swiftitude toward free elections on the Moon, where all the people will freely participate in their newfound freeness.
FB: Think of all the obstacles they overcame like not existing.
GWB: Now watch me rope this moo cow.
FB: That is some impressive ropin! I bet you coulda roped him even better if he was awake!
GWB: Thankya very much Fafnir. 'Preciate it.
FB: Now Mr. President a group called Swift Boat Vets for Trooth are attackin John Kerry's war record.
GWB: I respect and admire what John Kerry did to serve his country, and I would never attack his war record, even if some people say he mighta shot himself in the foot on purpose to get outta 'Nam.
FB: Really? Who says that?
GWB: Some people. But I'd never say anything against John Kerry's war record, Fafnir. I just call upon both parties to eleminate all independent political speech like these ads, the ones that attack me, an' the people who say John Kerry's an enormous crab alien from the crab planet come to turn us all into crabs.
FB: Oh wow! Who says that?
GWB: Some people, you know. Don't pay much attention to it myself. You wanna go to a rally for 'em? Here's a flyer.
FB: It is very generous of you to promote this group even though you think they shouldnt get any money Mr. President.
GWB: I guess it's just part of my down-to-earth, heartland values.
FB: Hey - I guess it is!
GWB: Now watch me eat a whole yak dipped in barbecue sauce.
Tomorrow we will close Interview Sorta-Week with one of the great thinkers of our time. All of us are very excited!
posted by fafnir at 7:43 PM