Wednesday, August 18, 2004
Fafblog Interview Week 2 took some time off for the weekend. It caught a couple movies, lazed around, washed the car, got some chores done, watched some Olympic people do Olympic stuff on TV. But now it is back to work! Back to work with an interview with Iyad Allawi the new prime minister of Iraq!
FAFBLOG: Yknow I think the best thing about the New Iraq is now you can get a McFishwish anywhere!
IYAD ALLAWI: Please, have some more fries.
FB: Now Iyad Allawi, the Oregon National Guard found a buncha Iraqi prison guards torturin Iraqi prisoners, includin a fourteen-year-old-boy. An when they tried to rescue them they had orders to give em back.
ALLAWI: Fafnir, nobody likes torture. Except, of course, for torturers. But think about it this way: if we hadn't tortured that fourteen-year-old-boy, what would he be doing right now? Drugs. Drugs, and jihadism. And that would just lead him down the dark winding path to smoking dope and setting roadside bombs.
FB: Wow... so torture is preventive discipline!
ALLAWI: Having wires wrapped around your testicles is a small price to pay for keeping you out of a life of crime and terror, Fafnir.
FB: Hey, you're sorta like the "tough on crime" candidate!
FB: 'Cept nobody votes for you! But Iyad Allawi is torture democratic?
ALLAWI: Fafnir, democracy is like a horse, or a beautiful woman. It is a fine thing to see, and everyone admires it, but in order to get it to behave sometimes you must beat it and torture it and shock its gentals.
FB: I am not sure I want to be your horse Iyad Allawi.
ALLAWI: But trust me my friend: you would want to be my woman.
FB: Now Iyad Allawi, you have banned the TV news station Al Jazeera. Mr. Allawi some would say that is against principles of freedom of the press.
ALLAWI: Absolutely not! We were merely acting to end Al Jazeera's incitement of violence. And I remain certain that within a week or so the journalism-inspired carnage in Najaf will finally come to an end.
FB: Well now that I hear your side of the story that sounds very reasonable! But Mr. Allawi what about you bannin criticism of yourself in the news?
ALLAWI: An absolute necessity. We can only pray it will put an end to the terrible Allawi-criticism-inspired massacre in Fallujah.
FB: Wow... massive restrictions on free speech don't sound so bad after all!
ALLAWI: Oh, they're a small price to pay for law and order, Fafnir.
FB: You're just sorta the "tough on speech" candidate too!
ALLAWI: Oh, it's part of my platform!
FB: There are rumors that you personally killed six blindfolded men suspected of bein insurgents back in June. Is that true?
ALLAWI: [winking] Oh, absolutely not! That would make me a cold-blooded monster!
FB: Oh well that's good then!
ALLAWI: And yet if it were true, or if enough people believed it were true, it could make me pass as the kind of believably vicious strongman who could crush insurgency and restore order to Iraq.
FB: Hey you're right! But you did bring back the death penalty!
ALLAWI: And you can bet we'll use it - a lot!
FB: That would make you the "tough on life" candidate!
ALLAWI: Now you're getting the hang of it!
FB: Iyad Allawi,are you a democracy-minded strongman?
ALLAWI: Oh yes. Why, I think about democracy all the time! Why just this morning I was having some eggs, and I thought to myself, "You know, Iyad, in a way, these eggs are sort of like democracy."
FB: That is so deep.
ALLAWI: And then I ate them. Would you like to see the torture chambers?
FB: Yes please.
posted by fafnir at 10:04 AM