Thursday, August 12, 2004

Journalists work hard many days a week to bring us crucial stories about the unfoldin world around us, such as what is happenin to Kobe Bryant? Has Kobe Bryant been charged yet? Is Kobe Bryant's accuser a slut or a ho, legally speaking? Are there any problems with electronic votin? No? Okay then sign me up! Bu do we really appreciate our press corps enough? I got to talk with two of the creamiest of the crop to kick off Interview Week: Tim Russert an Robert Novak.

FAFBLOG: So! How's journalism?
TIM RUSSERT: Oh, journalism endures, Fafnir! It remains the ever-vigilant guardian of Democracy, ready to shine a light on corruption and scandal wherever it lurks!
ROBERT NOVAK: But journalists are another story! Journalists are in a terrible state, Fafnir!
FB: Oh no! What has happened to make your lives so terrible Robert Novak?
NOVAK: We members of the Fourth Estate are now being persecuted by the Justice Department - and all for the "crime" of telling the truth!
RUSSERT: ...about an active CIA officer's identity in order to smear her husband's reputation.
FB: Well that is a terrible injustice! You can't ever make a reporter give up his sources!
RUSSERT: You certainly can't, Fafnir. It's a sacred bond between a journalist and the the sleazy anonymous political hacks who use that journalist to push their agenda while breaching federal law.
FB: I never realized exposin national security secrets was so noble.
RUSSERT: We don't just get up every day thinking "How can we suck dry the teat of our high-placed connections to earn a cheap buck?", Fafnir. We think, "How can we suck dry the teat of our high-placed connections to earn a cheap buck... for TRUTH?"
NOVAK: There's some political hackery in there too.
FB: Wow. I wish I could be a real journalist like you guys!
RUSSERT: Oh, journalism isn't for the faint of heart, Fafnir. You gird your loins every day only in the cloth of justice, and the only thing you've got coming to you is a lot of scorn, a lot of enemies, a ton of money, TV appearances, book deals, a promotional boys' club that props up everything you do...
NOVAK: And the work. You've gotta get right in the thick of it. Some days you'll get a call from the White House giving you something to write, and other days the phone won't ring - and you'll have to just make stuff up on your own!
FB: Aw man! I could never handle that. Now you have become part of this Valerie Plame story that you are also reportin on. How do you as objective journalists deal with that?
RUSSERT: The same way we'd deal with anything else, Fafnir. This Sunday on "Meet The Press" I'm going to give myself a full hour-long interview, and believe me, I'm not going to hold back. I'm giving myself the full Russert ambush-style treatment. When it's over, I may emerge bloodied and savaged, but at least I'll have gotten closer to the real story.
NOVAK: And I plan to write a column about John Kerry's "Holiday in Cambodia" story! I mean, come on! Everybody knows there was no U.S. involvement in Cambodia!
FB: That's so true! Pol Pot was a kind of spicy mushroom dish I think. So are you both ready to go to prison resistin justice department subpoenas?
RUSSERT: Um. Not exactly... BUT I'm NOT going to appear before the grand jury and I'm NOT going to disclose information that was provided to me in confidence!
NOVAK: Uh, you'll have to ask my lawyer.
FB: Well it has been an amazin privelege to speak to you gentlemen.
RUSSERT: Yes it has!
NOVAK: God, I'm bored. Anyone want the location of a couple dozen nuclear missile silos?
FB: I would be honored sir.
NOVAK: I'll give 'em to you for five thousand bucks. And a book deal.
FB: I got... three bucks.
NOVAK: Sold.
posted by fafnir at 3:25 PM



about Fafnir
about Giblets
about the Medium Lobster
about Fafblog

fafblog of christmas past

the whole world's only source for archives

world of piefablesdissatisfactiongreat moments in history

posts most likely to succeed

mostly blogosaurs

Fafshop! the whole world's only source for Fafshop.

Powered by Blogger Site Meter