Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Giblets is standin' in the special blogger press box at the Republican National Convention, where he is being annointed with oils by scented wage-slaves and fed luscious grapes, as befits a blogger of his stature! And from here he has heard what is undoubtedly the greatest speech ever given at a political convention ever, if not the greatest speech on anything in all of time. By Arnold Schwarzenegger. It is true - his oratorial skills are only matched by his prowess as an actor!

What struck Giblets the most - other than Arnold's moving story of growing up in an alternate-universe Soviet-occupied Austria - was his challenge to America. "To those critics who are so pessimistic about our economy, I say: Don't be economic girly-men!" Presidents with BALLS create massive, half-trillion-dollar deficits and lose millions of jobs! Weak-kneed fiscally-conservative PUSSIES worry about "balancing the budget" and "creating more jobs"! Well Giblets has a message to those pussies straight from the Governor of California: stop worrying about growing the economy and start growing a penis and testicles! 'Cause real men flush economies down the toilet, let terrorists escape, invade the wrong countries and go on to beat the Predator in a knock-down drag-out no-holds-barred fight!

Giblets, like all real-men Republicans, is wrestling a giant squid as he writes this in his press box. Will you wrestle that giant squid? Do you have the sperm-producing power to do so? And do you have the same powerful testes to vote for Bush? If not Giblets will simply assume that you are a shriveled impotent hermaphroditic wretch and will be throwin' spitballs at you from the back of the classroom until such a time as you summon the testicular fortitude to support the President who courageously shrugs in the face of North Korean nuclear proliferation.
posted by Giblets at 10:49 PM



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