Saturday, August 7, 2004

all's well that ends somewhere other than television

Yknow in this crazy mixed-up topsy-turvy world of terror alerts an jobless recoveries an the Red Sox tradin Nomar it is good to see the positive news that Iraq is becomin a more stable an healthy place governed by its own people. I know that's true cause if stuff was bad in Iraq TV would tell me so because TV is my friend!

"That's completely wrong, Fafnir," says Paul Krugman who is sittin on my couch eatin chips. "The U.S. media has simply chosen to forget Iraq. There's been no letup in the insurgency; American troops are still dying there - and in fact just as quickly as they were before the official handover of power."
"That is crazy talk Paul Krugman," says me. "In our modern twenty-four hour news whatsis we are more informed an deluged with information than ever! In the last day alone there have been three Hardball Special Reports on John Kerry's Viet Cong loincloth."
"Urgent update Fafnir!" says TV. "Is John Kerry a war hero or just a sick pervy child killer? Sorta don't find out at all when we talk to the man who's now recanted the recantation of his recantation! Also: studies conducted by God find that you need more Cooler Ranch™ Doritos!"

I look over at my Doritos stockpile and TV is so right! While I have a good twelve bags of Nacho Cheesier™ Doritos my Cooler Ranch™ supplies are gettin thin! I run over to the store screamin at the top a my lungs all the way till I get there an back.

"Whew crisis resolved!" says me. "Now there you go, the informing power of television in action!"
"They've got you distracted and disengaged," says Matthew Yglesias who is pickin at the nachos. "They're betting that if nobody sees the war, everyone will forget it's still there. It's the same thing they did with Afghanistan."
"Afghaniwhat?" says me.
"This just in Fafnir!" says TV. "New possible terror warning warns of possible terror! Do Islamist murderers lurk behind your homes - your schools - your Cooler Ranch™ Doritos? Watch for another six hours to find out!"

"Oh no!" I says jumpin up an knockin the chips out of Paul Krugman's hand. To think those deadly guerilla snacks could have claimed the life of a respected New York Times columnist!

An so stability has come to televised Iraq. An if I ever find out any different it'll probably be too late for me to do anythin about it.

Meantime Juan Cole is sittin over there in the corner by the onion dip goin "...massive fighting in Najaf... more fighting in Sadr City... Basra..." Oh that crazy Juan Cole! Everythin looks fine here from behind the Pringles.

posted by fafnir at 9:31 PM

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