John Edwards! Fah! Giblets scoffs at the sorry and miserable excuse for a veep pick that is John Edwards! If John Kerry was a real man he would have picked Giblets for his vice president - and been swiftly and viciously rejected, for Giblets will be no one's vice ANYTHING! Bow before Giblets's air of executive authority! Bow before Giblets's air of executive authority NOOOOOOOW!
Now let Giblets enumerate the many failings and corruptions of John Edwards, a miserable excuse for a vice president whom we all will be better off without!
He is a trial lawyer! You cannot trust trial lawyers, they stink of corruption and the corrupting influence of the trial lawyer industry! We need a vice president who is unsullied by ties to wealthy and corrupt industries!
He is too inexperienced! With only six years of experience in politics John Edwards is not qualified for the vice presidency. Now, if those six years were as Texas governor and if he were running for president, things would be totally different. But as it stands, he is too inexperienced!
He is a trial lawyer! As a trial lawyer Edwards repeatedly stole money from poor corporations to give to greedy children crippled by their products! Do we really need a vice president who is a lackey of Big Children? Giblets thinks not!
He is an unaccomplished liberal! What war's he started, huh? How many pointless quagmires has he stranded the American military in? Can he take a look at the monstrously-swelling national debt and say "I did that"? How many no-bid war contracts has he handed out to incompetant corporate cronies? Giblets will take John Edwards seriously when John Edwards starts doing something serious.
He is a trial lawyer! Giblets may have mentioned this before, he is not sure. But Giblets knows some great lawyer jokes. So a rabbi, a lawyer, and an elephant are on a bus.
