Tuesday, July 6, 2004

Well, John Kerry has selected his running mate, and the Medium Lobster is unsurprised. John Kerry has flip-flopped once again, as he has throughout his sadly unprincipled career, in choosing John Edwards. How, you naively ask, can the selection of a vice presedential nominee be a flip-flop? Those with higher wisdom already understand, but for the unenlightened, the Medium Lobster will attempt to guide the way.

We know that it took some time for Kerry to come to a decision on his vice presidential pick. In that time, it's safe to say Kerry was preferring different candidates. Ergo, it is equally safe to say there existed some period of time X during which Kerry preferred some candidate who was not Edwards. However, since time X and the present, Kerry has switched from not-Edwards to Edwards, in another shameless Kerry flip-flop. QED.

Why would Kerry so suddenly discard such a cherished ethical position as a vice presidential preference? The Medium Lobster can only proffer that it was for the most unscrupulous and amoral of opportunistic motives and that it reflects a vast moral vaccuum of deadly proportions lurking in the senator from Massachusetts.

Some less knowledgable than the Medium Lobster might suggest that the same formula may be applied to George W. Bush's vice presidential selection process. Those sadly confused souls will have undoubtedly forgotten that Bush possesses the quality of Strong Leadership, which means that his decisions are actually the temporal instantiations of immutable, unchangable, transtemporal truths. Indeed, when George Bush selected Dick Cheney to be his running mate, he did so by discerning a priori that he had already done so, since the beginning of time, from First Principles. There are rumors to the contrary but these, of course, are from secondary and apocryphal sources and should be ignored.
posted by the Medium Lobster at 9:20 PM




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