Tuesday, July 13, 2004

OUR SCENE: FAFNIR has encountered GIBLETS in the Athenian market. FAFNIR is accompanying a goat which he intends to defend in court against the charge of impiety; GIBLETS has just taken first prize at the festival of Asclepius for disciplining a runaway cabbage.

FAFNIR: Why hello Giblets! I see you are almost fully immersed in a bowl of ham jello.
GIBLETS: Unnngh... Giblets is in such pain.
FAF.: Oh no Giblets! You have not been eatin pork to painful excess again have you?
GIBS.: Giblets does it... GLLGGLL... for national greatness. He stuffs himself with liquid ham... for the glory of the republic!
FAF.: But Giblets does the end always justify the means? For example say there is a man stuck in the opening of a mine shaft.
GIBS.: How would a man get stuck in a mine shaft? Mine shafts are huge.
FAF.: Well lets say he's a big fat man stuck in a mine shaft an there are like a dozen other people trapped in there because the fat man he is just so fat.
GIBS.: This is an improbably fat man we are talkin about.
FAF.: Maybe he has been eatin ham jello. For the glory of the republic.
GIBS.: Then he can stuff off. This is Giblets's ham jello.
FAF.: Anyway the question is should we blow up the fat man if there is no other way to get him out of the mine shaft to free the trapped an starving people inside when we know that blowin up the fat man is cruel murder?
GIBS.: Ha! I'd like to see you try! The explosives'll just make the mine shaft collapse an squish everyone inside.
FAF.: Giiiiblets, you're ruinin my moral dileeeema.
GIBS.: The real solution is to keep the starvin people inside the shaft alive by eatin the fat man. Problem solved.
FAF.: But Giblets what if in killin the fat man you are motivated not by the duty of savin the trapped people but by petty hatred of the fat man?
GIBS.: Then in that case Giblets is bein efficient. Two birds with one stone.
FAF.: OK but what if instead of a fat man there is a natural disaster trapped in the mine shaft like a tsunami or a comet?
GIBS.: There is a comet trapped in the mine shaft?
FAF.: Yeah cause yknow we want to say that from a utilitarian stanpoint that natural disasters are bad because of their large negative impact on people but they also have no motivations so we cant judge them from the point of "why did you blow up the dinosaurs comet it was against principles of higher justice."
GIBS.: Nah, I think the comet's just the fat man again. Just a really really fat man on fire.
FAF.: Sorta in disguise huh? Pretty sneaky!
GIBS.: Fat men are crafty, always tryin to steal Giblets's ham jello.
FAF.: But what if in order to save the starvin people in the mine shaft you have to give them your ham jello Giblets?
GIBS.: But that would be wrong. It is Giblets's ham jello.
FAF.: I am sorry Giblets they are starvin.
GIBS.: But it is Giblets's! Feed them somethin else like the fat man or horses or straw.
FAF.: There is nothin else to feed them Giblets. It has all been stolen.
GIBS.: But -
FAF.: By aliens.
GIBS.: But Giblets's ham jello is Giblets's ham jello! It is Giblets's an it is Giblets's forever!
FAF.: Cmon Giblets give it up.
GIBS.: You give it up!
FAF.: Ouch! Quit it!
GIBS.: You quit it!
FAF.: You quit it!
GIBS.: AHHHH! Stop it!

The gentlemen, now enlightened, proceed to the temple to observe the afternoon’s offering to the pig goddess.


posted by fafnir at 10:36 AM



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