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Thursday, July 8, 2004
Oh no! Fafblog brings you this very urgent Terror Update Announcement Update from Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge who has announced that al Qaeda is planning to strike somewhere around the November elections to disrupt our democratic process! Tom Ridge does not know when it will happen or how it will happen or where it will happen but we can only assume the terrorists will take the most direct approach by running a third party candidate!
"Oh no Fafnir!" you are screamin in eternal panic. "How will I ever stop myself from votin for terrorists now!" It is okay to panic, after all it is Tom Ridge here! He does not just come out an issue non-alert-level terror warnings every two months or so yknow! But there is plenty you can do to avoid votin for terror. First look carefully at the ballot: GEORGE BUSH, Republican Party [safe]"But Fafnir!" you say still screamin in understandable horror. "I will vote for terrorists on election day because their clever platform of universal healthcare and sharia law is so seductively appealing!" This is true but you must use all your willpower to fight it! Remember that if the Terrorist Party wins on election day then the Terrorists will have already won! "Oh this is all so confusin Fafnir!" you scream with your throat gettin kinda hoarse. "I do not know whether I can keep the terrorists straight from the Democrats an the Greens an Dick Cheney! Maybe I should just vote for the Natural Law Party!" If in doubt stay home an let the nice gentlemen from the computer votin companies will vote for you. Stay safe, panic in moderation, an this will be a safe and terror-free, terrorized election for all concerned.
posted by fafnir at 10:56 AM
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